Rainy Days And Mondays

So, I have finally won my battle with Google (meaning, I have remembered my password) so I can finally blog again.

Weighed in yesterday at 108.6. Bit of a gain but I'm to busy trying to fix my "broken" brain at the moment.

Had a really dark morning yesterday. Had to go to work in the morning, but before I left had a minor melt down and went to my very unhappy place.

It's funny you know, well not funny ha ha, but it comes on for no reason and so fast. It's really odd and something I can't explain. I guess unless you've been there it's something you won't quite get.

I have no clue what's happening with the meds yet. They don't seem to be working yet, but they tell me it can take anywhere from 1 month to 12 weeksto kick in. And I'm off to my first councelling session today, so we'll see how that goes.

Till next week....

J

S.O.S

Sooooooooooo, it's been a long time between drinks (well, by drinks of course I mean blogs). I've been slack. Very slack.

It is well and truly apparant to me that I am in no way going to achieve my goal. I'm pretty crushed. I wish I could offer you an explanation as to what the hell went wrong.So I'll give it a crack.

Last week I was diagnosed as having depression. This came after a pretty severe emotinal meltdown and about 7 months of feeling pretty crap about not only myself, but life in general. The doc seems to think I have PND, but not just from bub #2 but residual from the 2 year old. As a result it's all just compunded until I lost it.

I'm making steps in the right direction. I'm taking little white pills every morning and am going to talk to the "right" kind of people. I guess it's just hard to fix your outside while your inside is messed up, and vice versa.

Thanks for your support. I'm going to continue my weight loss journey and will hopefully have lost my 30 by 30 June instead. Hopefully my thought process will shift and I'll be able to see things from a better angle.

In the meantime I will endevour to get back on the blog bandwagon and keep you all updated with not just my weightloss journey but my new journey aswell.

Love J

Oops, I Did It Again.....

So.....Mt brain is mush. I am buggered and blissfully neandering along on my Sunday evening when a good, well actually she's a bit awesome, friend asks me if I've weighed in today....

Well I have. And I have done NOTHING. No up no down.

Now, for those playing along at home, my Thirty in Six is becoming an EPIC FAILURE!! I haven't even lost three kilo's yet. So.....Three months remains....I am gunning for 20kg's. It'll be tight, it'll be hard, but at least that'll be 22 in 6.

Besides if my little Facebook business continues to blossom I won;t have time to eat and I'll be running around like an insane person. That will prove the hubby's weight loss programme correct....His theory to weight loss??

Simple. Starve yourself and run.

J

I Am Mine

So as you are aware, I missed the weigh in last week. I had a MASSIVE trip to and from Sydney to watch my beloved Panthers get ebaten in the NRL and came home with a chest infection. Oh happy day.

This past week has sucked on multiple levels. I spent Monday and Tuesday so crook the hubby had to stay home and help me out. My chest was still awfull by Thursday, but I did manage to get 1km done on the tready before I thoght my lungs were going to explode.

On top of this I'm going through some heavy emotional turmoil which has not put me in the best frame of mind. I have decided, however, this week to use my feelings as fuel. Walk of my stress, frustration, anger and sadness. Burn the negativity away. I need IT as much as I need the extra weight.

Oh yeah....I did weigh in today....110kg. It's a loss.

Watch this space.

J

Still

So last week had it's ups and downs. I had a few diet fails (homemade chocolate mud cake and beer & pizza spring to mind) but I also did treadmill work as well as walking to and from the MIL's and doing a 2.62km walk around the local watering hole.

I did'nt weigh in yesterday as I was still in Sydney and I want to keep weighing in on the same scales.

On I hop this morning......No change! I am actually really happy with that result as I thought a gain was most certainly on the cards.

Until next week....

J

Bittersweet

So it's late in the day (well 5PM feels late to me) and I have one of those headaches where you actually start to wonder if removing a portion of your brain would be, in fact, less painfull then the pounding going on in your head.

So I'm going to keep it short today.

I lost a kilo....Now at 110.5kg's. YAY!!

Didn't crack the 110kg mark. BOO!!!

Watch me go this week.

I have been getting some complements lately so although the numbers aren't looking so grouse, I think my arse is shrinking.

J

Angry

I am pissed off. At the weather. At my country. but most of all, at myself.

The weather sucks. It's hit that really awful time in Canberra where in those last couple of weeks before Spring the weather hits completely rock bottom. Sunny days, with freezing cold winds. And I mean LITERALLY freezing.

My country....Sheesh. Election night last night and I am in a state of disbelief that, in my humble opinion, a complete tosser, namely Tony Abbot may be the new leader of our country. Frigging embarrassment. Not that I necessarily believe that Julia Gillard would be a whole lot better, in fact I'm willing to let you all know that I voted for The Greens, but Tony Abbot?? Oh dear God no!!!

And last but not least myself. I have been on this little quest for nearly two months and I have lost a whopping 1.6kg's. Could I be more pissed off with myself???? No. Could I be more disappointed in myself??? Nope. Am I being to harsh on myself??? Not in my opinion.

Last week I did 5 days on the treadmill, 2km's each go. Thursday I did nothing, admittedly, and Friday I did a thirty minute walk whilst pushing the pram ( I consider this a form of resistance training). So I'm thinking it's probably not my OUTPUT that's the big issue here, must be the INPUT. I need to get my shit together starting right now.

So, in closing it might be more like Twenty in Six now, but that's still a great start on my path. It'd get me well under 100kg's which for me would be awesome.

Please, please, please don;t give up on me just yet. I haven't given up on myself.....yet.

J

Communication Breakdown

Sorry for the late post today avid readers. Had a bit of a lazy old Sunday here at the Simmo house. I think we needed one after the craziness that was The Wookie's birthday party yesterday. She's not two for another 10 days but what they hey.

I've not had the best week to be honest. I'm still having some issues with a cold (now on week 3) which is kind of making my breathing a bit meh. Jake has also been crook the last few days so we've made some bad judgement calls food wise.

That said today we went a purchased a treadmill. Yep. You heard me. It's in our loungeroom, and, as those of you have been here know, is not the largest of spaces. Jake's theory is I can combine something I like to do (watch the teev) with something I don't (excercise) and it also means I can no longer use Canberra's shitty arse weather as an excuse not to walk. Bugger.

On the weigh in front....Well I have nothing to report. Not good, not bad, not indifferent. You see, the trusty old digitals failed me this morning so this weeks weight will have to remain a mystery.

This weeks goals.....
To crack 110kg when I hit the scales next Sunday.
To use our new treadmill for at least 30 minutes every day.
To eat only home cooked (or at least healthy) meals.

J

Better Days

So we'll keep it short and sweet this week.

I gained again. 500g. I know it's not much, but if I don't pull my finger out and get things moving I'll be lucky to make Six in Six.

I could list off a heap of excuses, but in reality it's all just bullshit. I NEED to suck it up, keep my eyes on the prize and make myself (and you guys) proud.

Feeling a bit blah at the moment too, which doesn't help a whole lot.

New week, bringing the old attitude back.

Bob, you and I have some catching up to do.

J

The Reason

You meet some people in the course of your life and they change you. Not in big ways so that you would notice, but in those little ways that count. Sometimes you've known them for five minutes, sometimes five years, in my case 25 years.

I don't know how old Joan was when I met her. I was six. She's a bit younger than my mum, so she would have been 30 odd.

Mum and Joan met in the most interesting of places, a psychiatric facility, fondly known a "the loony bin" in our family. Mum was going through an emotional collapse of sorts after her dad parted ways and Joan was depressed. I can't honestly say I remember the first time we met. I didn't visit mum too much when she was in, but her and Joan became best mates and she's been in my life since.

Other than my own weight loss demons Joan is the reason why decided to do Thirty in Six.

Maybe 10 years ago Joan was diagnosed with breast cancer. A hard battle was fought and in true Joan fashion she had decided it was NOT her time and therefore proceeded to kick cancers' arse. Granted she lost her boobs and her hair, but hey, she lived.

Fast forward to February 2008. After having scans the previous November showing all was still clear she was feeling a bit off. Further scans and tests showed multiple tumours in her thigh, sternum, lung and spine. And so, after seven years in remission the cancer cycle started again.

The prognosis right from the start was not good. Bone cancer is notoriously hard treat due to the density of the bone, so we all started to prepare for the worst early. Many times she was given the whole "You've got x amount of time left" and every time she found another reason to give cancer the bird. A grandchild's birth, my mum's 60th, the fact the weather was shitty.

Joan died today. 12.28pm to be exact. And to be honest, and please excuse my french, it fucking sucks.

It's funny you know. I've known for so long that she was going to die that I thought when my time came to write this blog it'd be easier.....Shit, where are my Kleenex??

So I guess with that I'd just like to say thanks Joan. Thank you for being the no bullshit person you were. For not being afraid to mess up every now and then. For always being honest with not just me, but everyone around you. For living your life on YOUR terms and no one elses. And for giving my mum the best friend she has ever, and probably will ever, have.

I only hope that I can be half the person that she was.

And you know what? If she could beat breast cancer once and make it through 2 and a half years when they gave her six months, I can loose thirty frigging kilograms.

Joan, mate, you will be missed, and you will always be loved.

J

A Whiter Shade Of Pale

So, this time last week I had grand plans for the week ahead. I was going to excercise every day. Like a woman possessed even. I was a bit bummed about my gain and I was going to do anything in my power to fix it.

Well, it seems, it went beyond my control.

Sunday was fine, well if you don't count the residual seediness from the Saturday nights adventures.

Monday, ahhhh Monday. Migrane day. A headache and nausea so bad that the hubby had to stay home to help me with the kidlets.

Tuesday. All good for me. Excercise did get sidelined by a very sick husband.

Wednesday. Slight twinges of a headcold. Oh shit. This CANNOT be good.

Thursday and Friday. Thought I was dying. Well, maybe not dying, but I definatly took feeling like crap to a whole new level.

And yesterday....Managed to eat lunch AND dinner. The most I'd eaten since Wednesday.

So, on to the scales I hopped this morning. To be honest I was expecting to have lost a bit of weight. I have found this tends to happen when one is crook and, well, basically does'nt eat for four days. Still I was a wee bit surprised when those little digital scales blinked a few times and settled on 111.1. Yep, not a typo, 111.1kg's.

A whopping 1.9kg's has dissapeared from my frame since last Sunday. Part of me thinks Woo Hoo Awesome!! The other part thinks Oh Shit!! I need to keep this up the healthy way!!

Ah well, with everyone behind me I know I can do it. Watch this space.

J

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Let's keep it simple this week shall we.

I gained weight. Yup, GAINED. A whole 600g. Back up to 113kg. Crap.

I had a lot of fun this week. Went out last night with some awesome mates, but over indulged in the alcoholic bevvies a bit too much. On the up side I DID snack less and only had one pasta meal, for which I used wholemeal spaghetti (which I personally believe is some cruel joke derived by the pasta companies).

Sooooooo, I now need to work harder than ever. I am going to attempt some kind of exercise every day this week as well as watching what I eat.

No one to blame but myself. It's a minor hurdle though, I can still win the race.

J

Goodbye My Lover

No, no, no the husband and I have not split up. It's time for me to say goodbye to my other great love.....Pasta.

Pasta, my old friend, I am afraid it may be time for us to part ways. I love you in all your shapes and sizes. Be it long and tubular, a groovy little bow tie shape, that funky spiral you sometimes appear in.....but, as with all great love affairs sooner or later things must come to an end.

I hate to cast blame, but pasta, when I hopped on those scales this morning waiting for the little digital numbers to give me this weeks weight, my mind drifted back to this past week and the times we had spent together. Those little digital numbers blinked at me and came back with 112.4kg. No change. And pasta I. Blame. You.

I exercised not only my usual 3 times with Bob, the Biggest Loser trainer from hell, but I also threw in some extra walking too. The only real thing I can think of is I spent to much time with you pasta. But to be fair, I seemed to be snacking much more this past week. Not UNHEALTHY snack mind you, just a bit to frequently I think.

So....This weeks aim is to eat MUCH less pasta (I'm pretty good with the other carb's) and alter my portion sizes so I don't feel the need to snack. Hopefully next week will bring a better result.

J

One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer

Well it was actually more like Two Moets, One Dodgy Champagne and Many Many Rums. Not the highlight of my first week, but man it was a GREAT night. With all the sugar in the Rum and Coke I was drinking I was starting to get a bit concerned that all the healthy eating and exercising (YES,I EXERCISED)was going to be all for nought.

Just a quick note regarding the exercising.....As I am in Canberra which is , well, freezing I have been exercising using The Biggest Looser Wii game. My first crack at it was last Sunday. By Monday afternoon every muscle below my bum was killing me. I mean it literally hurt to move. Thursday's Yoga was quite good, and then yesterday.....urghhhhhh. I hate you virtual Bob and your eternal perkiness.

So anywho, jumped on the good old digitals in the bathroom, the numbers flashing ominously up at me, waited for it to be done, had a look down (you're all on the edge of your seat are'nt you) 112.4 kg's. For those playing along at home that is 1.1kg's of mass now gone from my body (I'm hoping it has disappeared from my arse).

So back into it today. Hopefully life will become a little less hectic. We found out last week the Wookie has yet another food allergy making things a little stressful her at home. And this weeks hurdle will be the midweek food and wine fest also known as Bookclub. My Personal goal this week is to drink my 8 glasses of water each day.

Watch this space.

J

One

Hello one and all. Welcome to another sunny, and surprisingly not too cold morning in downtown ACT.

Weigh in day today. Jumped on the scales without to much concerrn, I mean it is the start right? 113.5kg. Damn those little black digital numbers. But, hey, it's now my official start weight.

So the first goal I have set myself is to loose 13kg's in 12 weeks. The big plan is to do this with healthy eating and some assistance from The Biggest Looser Wii game and just generally getting off my arse. I'm also off to get a haircut this week....a proper one....at an actual salon, not a chain that has the words "Just Cuts" in the title. I figure if I feel a bit happier about how my head looks the rest of me should follow........right???

Jacq

Second Chance

Right.....So I guess I'll start at the start for those new to the game (those who know me can think of it as "Previously in Jacqui's life"....in short, a recap).

My name is Jacqui, I'm a 31 mother of two beautiful girls Kyla (aka The Wookie) who is 22 months, and Lucie (aka The Goose) who is 5 weeks. I have an amazing husband, Jake, and a mutt of a dog Ringo. I live in Canberra, which at the moment is frigging freezing. And I have a fat arse. Which brings me to my purpose and this blog.

Before I found out I was pregnant with the goose, i was in the midst of my own personal weight loss challenge. The goal was this: Thirty kilograms of weight to loose in 6 months. I know.....That's over a kilo a week, but with drive, determination and the support of my friends and family, I'm sure it can be done.

As an extra incentive, however, I was challenging people to sponsor me. Either a lump some or a dollar per kilo I lost in that time. All funds were going to go to Cancer research via the Everyday Hero's website.

Needless to say, this hit a wall....a 9 month wall.

Well ladies and gentlemen, that time is over and as there is exactly 6 months left of the year, it's GAME ON!! I weighed in this morning at a staggering 113kg (yeah yeah, I know) and the goal is to try my very best to hit 83kg by 1/01/11.

In a few weeks I'll be setting up my Everyday Hero's page again for donations. Rest assured to those who gave me money on my last attempt your money made it to the charity, and I will not let you down!!

Some my rules are this:
1. No fad diets (lemon detox, atkins, etc)....Just use the knowledge I already have from every other diet I have tried.
2. MUST exercise at least three times a week....Will probably do this via Wii Fit and (urghhhhhh) walking.
3. DO NOT beat myself up if I slip up....I am only human, I'll just have to work harder to fix it.

and finally

4. MUST weigh in and blog EVERY Sunday.....It'll keep me honest if I know people are watching me.....

So.....I guess I'll see you in a couple of days.

Jacq